strawberryAfter reading an article in the NYTimes I felt compelled to write to the world of the internet in hopes of gaining more knowledge and potentially starting a helpful dialogue on the subject of gender. I do find a lot of the things mentioned in the article below and the way they are mentioned very problematic, however I have had so many thoughts around the ever changing gender debate that I thought I’d share something I just read.
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The Voice…(vocal health)

Since I started my blogging about the body, I have recently been reminded of how my voice plays probably the biggest role in the integration of ME. I was recently cast in a new Canadian Musical Nobody’s Idol, that opens tonight as a part of the Toronto Fringe Festival. For the last three weeks we, the cast and crew, have been working feverishly to pull everything together. On top of rehearsals for Nobody’s Idol, I have had rehearsals with my band, others bands that I do back up for and multiple gigs every week. It wasn’t until last week when I started loosing my voice that I realized how much I was using it.
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A Change is Gonna Come…

So I know that I have not written on here for a couple weeks too long and apologize for the delay. But in fact this post will be about just that. Last week I was sick with a cold. I know in my life when I get sick my body means business. It means stop right now because you can’t sustain the lifestyle you’re living. You can’t keep putting out the amount of energy, at the rate you’re putting it out any longer. It always hits me when I start to slow down and relax…and then boom it hits me.
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Hospital…Outpatient at TGH

I’m not sure if I can remember the first day at the hospital, but I do remember filming me walking through the double paned sliding doors. I had decided that while I went through the hospital program I wanted to create a documentary on my story. It never got completed…although I’m attempting to dig deep and find some old vlogs I made in my room on evenings when I wasn’t feeling so hot. If I get them I might share a couple with you all, although I imagine it might be painful to watch and slightly surreal. A couple times I thought maybe if I filmed myself throwing up it would make me stop. Well I never tried and we’ll never know…but I’m sure even videos of myself at the time will stir up old memories and forgotten experiences. Read more →

What next?

When others discuss the body I mostly hear negative words and assault. Our society is overrun with body hatred. I know as well as anyone the effects of this self loathing. I understand how it can develop and the nasty hold it can have. What seems to be a mystery to me still, is where this all started in the first place.

Our bodies do the world for us, and as it seems their work makes up the bulk of our existence. Is a body itself, not what distinguishes us as being human? Without a frame what are we? A spirit, a mind, a soul? What is our mind capable of without a vessel in this physical world?
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Discover it’s full power through love…

You know I used to be a personal trainer. I guess in fact I still am…I just am not actively practicing right now. I used to teach people how to use there bodies. I used to teach them how to loose weight, and get strong. Looking back I see it as ironic (if that is even the right use of the word), as while I was ‘teaching’ these very things I was doing the opposite with my own. I was sick with an eating disorder, and the funny thing… I never had more praise then of how perfect my body looked. How’s that for ass backwards?!

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