So I made it back to Toronto. Two trains and a day and a half later. What a trip. It’s interesting because when I tell people about my three month journey to Europe, Nepal and India…they often say ‘wow that will be a trip of a lifetime…life changing’. I don’t disagree, however I have two things in response.
1) this three week journey to NYC, montreal, and Halifax has been life changing. Or maybe my life was already changed when I quite my day job and fully pulled my head out of the mud to pursue this artist life and career. It doesn’t take leaving your body, your home, your city, or even your country to change your life. It takes a risk, an unknown, a willingness, and a determination to pursue intuition and nothing more. I have met more people, and made more genuine life connections on this trip than ever before in such a short period of time. I may never see some of them again, but I will remember ever one! And most of all I give them huge thanks…for seeing me fully, sharing with me fully and giving me a reflection of myself that only others can help us to see.
2) to say something will be a trip of a lifetime to me somewhat implies that it will be the only one. Recently I’ve had a lot of thought and reflection on my life. People have said things here and there, but mostly I started taking stalk of just how much I move around in life (thank you to one particular person, who I’ll refrain from naming, for more directly pointing this out to me). This year (2014) alone I’ve been to NYC twice, Vancouver for three weeks, Hamilton, London, St. Catharines, Niagara Falls And then Montreal and Halifax. This doesn’t even include weekend trips here and there and then the fact that I leave Dec 27th for Glasgow. Not to mention the year before (2013) I did NYC twice, the Netherlands, Germany, Denmark and Iceland! And the year before that (2012) Mexico and Brazil.
So do you see the pattern here!? I certainly do. And I’m sure I’m even forgetting other places I’ve been cause my brain is exhausted right now after a day and a half of travel on a train…and the night before I left a 3 hour gig and then three more shows in the train.
All in all I guess I’d like to say…this is my life. This travel thing is going away. Yes these trips and more to come are life changing, yes they are trips of a lifetime…but don’t be distracted by the shimmer and allure of travel…it is not the travel that has or will change me…I am already changed. Life has changed me, I have changed me, the choices I make change me. For the rest of my life I hereby vow to live my life this way to the very best of my ability moment to moment. Something that as I write it down scares me to utter. I would be just fine speaking in words. But to put it in writing and share it with the world well that feels like I’m signing my life away. And in a way I am. Singing (signing got autocorrected to singing and I think I’ll keep it) it away to myself. This is how I want to live.
People ask me how am I doing it? How are you able to afford it? The answer that has come to my mind right away and it is not intended as a put down, but ‘how are you not!?’ I get it…I am fully fully aware (I hope anyways) of my enormous privilege. That I was born into a family with enough means to expose me to many things and also to provide stability, education, love, travel, food, a house etc. and that I was born into a family who cares and loves me unconditionally (I have an amazing family)….
But when people ask how am I doing this I feel as if there is a slight hint of something I can’t quite point out, but makes me uncomfortable. Kind of similar to when you don’t want a drink and everyone else is drinking and inevitably someone asks ‘why not’…kinda like what’s wrong with you. It’s not that I’m offended with the question, I just don’t understand why they think I have an answer that will suite the subtext of what they’re asking. Like what answer would they expect from asking a gymnast how they do a back flip, or a runner how they won a race, or a mathematician how they solved a proof, or a psychic how they know what they know….the answer is hard work, intuition, self and external support….but ultimately you JUST DO IT!
That is why I’ve always loved the Nike slogan…they coined one of the most powerful phrases in the English language. Don’t wait for permission, don’t wait for someone else, don’t wait for the right time, don’t wait till you get a job, have a partner etc etc etc…DO IT AND DO IT NOW.
Don’t get me wrong, I work harder than almost anyone I know. I take the choices I make very seriously and in fact if anything I sometimes need to slow down and not be so hard on myself. But at the same point if I have learned anything in the last few months I have learned that trusting your calling is the only way to live your life.
I’m back now for only a week more and just cannot believe what my choices have lead to! Maybe one day I’ll meet you on the way…otherwise see ya on the flipside.